The Risk I Never Took

One of the driving forces behind this blog is to provide a place for me to make my goals public, be held accountable for actively reaching for these goals, to chronicle my journey, and hopefully inspire at least one person to take action and pursue their own goals.

My friend Tyler over at Advanced Riskology is actively pursuing his 1% club and to be honest is one of my biggest inspirations for starting my own blog.  He recently asked about the risks we’ve taken in the past and I thought that was a great topic since my own risk taking has brought me to where I am at this moment.  It is with great fanfare that I announce to the world the greatest I’ve ever taken:

Not actually taking a risk

I’m scared of what will happen.  The “what ifs” race through my mind and I go into full on panic mode.  Once the bad thought seed gets planted in my mind, I can’t shake it.  This is why I can’t make decisions.

I’m better at making decisions now than in past years.  I’m learning to rationalize with myself and to realize that even an unlikely worst case scenario isn’t the end of the world. Case in point:  buying a house.  When my husband and I decided to take the plunge, the freak out started.  I was awake at night, I couldn’t concentrate on my work, and I was unhappy because I was obsessing over if this was the right decision.  I thought about the pros and cons and my rational mind understood that buying a house is the right decision for us, but my irrational mind kept freaking out about the “what ifs.”  Finally, I had to tell myself that really the worst possible scenario is that we can’t make our payments and we go into foreclosure.  Obviously, not the optimal situation and I certainly don’t want this to happen, but I recognized that this was my fear and I decided that even if this is my fate, it’s not the end of the world.  That realization brought me back to reality and we are moving forward with the home-buying process.  Like I said, I’m better than I used to be.

Failure to make decisions and take risks has cost me a lot.

I chose a “safe” major in college, finance, because I knew there were jobs and that I could make money with it.  But once I graduated I quickly realized that I don’t really like finance and I don’t really like the job opportunities that it brings to me.

I also spent 4.5 years away from my husband while he was in the Marines because of my paralyzing fear of taking a risk.  I couldn’t pull the cord on my parachute and move down there and ended splattered in a pancake of regret and sadness.  I made plans but each time was railroaded with rationalizations and fear about the unknown.  What if I couldn’t find a job?  What if I hated it there?  What if he deployed right away and I was all alone?  Looking back now, I can say “so freaking what?” and I resent this fear because it cost me 4.5 years with my best friend and the chance to live in a different part of the country.

At the very least, I can say that I’ve learned from my failures.  I know that my failure to act can cause me very deep pain and misery.  I don’t want to live this way anymore.  I’m taking action to ensure that my life isn’t held hostage by my anxiety.

Step 1 – Set my goals.  I have a rough idea of what I want now, especially after figuring out the things that I DEFINITELY do not want.  I know I want a job that doesn’t involve a cubicle and allows me to be active.  I’m not sure if I will end up being a fitness instructor, a personal trainer, a dance teacher, and fitness writer, etc., but having this rough idea can get me pointed in the right direction.

Step 2 – Make my plan.  I know I want fitness to be a part of my life, so I’m trying new things.  I’m learning about fitness as much as I can.  I’m exposing myself to other fitness writers and professionals and started this blog to get my name out there and work on my writing.  I even have a 5 year plan to get out of cubicle-land.

Step 3 – DO IT.  I’ve been setting goals for a long time and making lists of things I wanted, but I never acted.  I honestly can’t say what the catalyst was this time but I finally came to resent how my life was going and decided it was time to act.  The biggest step for me has been the creation of this blog.  I’ve been toying with the notion for a while but was paralyzed by fear of what others will think and of that inevitable first troll that tells me I suck and whatnot.  I can’t live that way anymore.  People may think its weird and they won’t all agree with what I say, and eventually someone will tell me I suck, but that’s life and this is what I want.  I’d rather go after what I want than live with my fear.

I’ve declared my own war on inaction.  I no longer want the biggest risk in my life to be my failure to take risks.  I’m taking my biggest risk right now and going after what I want.